Lonliness of Mistakes!!

I began to fill the emptiness that surrounds me
With the pieces of a broken heart!
I stood there by your side
Desperate for you not you leave,
Desperately clinging by your sleeve!

Yet, given that was my mistake,
And they never give a place to hide,
For Mistakes are loneliness,
Where I just had myself to confide!

And you looked at me to say nothing
Silence that tore us apart
Yet my folly was that I was wrong
And thus left to cry a lonely song!

Taken aback, and chocked!
If I spoke I was augmentative
If I didn’t, of guilt, I was admissive
I did neither, and I was called indecisive!

With tears in my eyes
And pain in my heart
I stood,
For that is all I could!

Can’t you see what this is doing to me?
It breaks my heart that you can stand there and not say a word.
All you want is go away
I’m scared – from deep inside
I’m scared – heart, body and mind

Nothing makes sense,
I try, I fail!
I try further, I fail further!!
I wish you tell me everything will be fine.
That everything will go back to the way it was.
That you love me and won’t leave me,

It’s my fallible moment,
It was my mistake…
To crucify me would be the obvious,
Why don you hold me back from oblivion?
For I’m searching for a place to hide,
And yet I find myself lonely
In the loneliness of mistakes, just have myself confide!

How to Train the Dragon in Me??? To love and embrace...

Watched “How to Train Your Dragon” a couple of times today, that’s apart from having watched at least about half a dozen times before, but then those of you know me, know that it’s not entirely surprising. In any case, its just not my fetish to watch animation that makes me love this movie so much, instead its the ability of these simple stories to pack profound lessons of life that keeps me drawing to them again and again.

No one could possibly deny the fact that Love transcends everything; it can mould anything and bring to peace amongst everyone. Yet, all it takes is that we employ Love as a means to resolve our issues - this the crux of this beautiful little piece of imagination.
It is quite so easy to dismiss Hiccup as the weak-hearted, timid, lad when he is unable to slay the Dragon that’s bound and immovable. Yet, it’s unmistakable that it takes a whole lot more courage, and conviction to sense a need (for love, forgiveness and restoration) in your adversary. And much more of it to be able to give all of that they need. Having had the courage to step aside from the well established path of trouncing your enemy to crown yourself in glory, Hiccup takes it further and charts a new flight of love and trust.

Indeed, to the skeptics it is all too easy for things to come together in fictional animated film. For the real world to them is an entirely different dragon – for an economist it’s an imperfect market, for a mathematician an irrational number, and so on – one that is not governed by any rules or conveniences that are possible in the fictional setting. Yet I would thumb my nose at such skeptics, for the simple fact that the world has come to what it has because of the fact that we haven’t used Love enough to resolve our issues. Dialogue is a long forgotten word; and Peace a long forgotten phenomenon. We have glorified war and competition at the altar success. Winning at any cost, glory bathed in the blood of your opponent (or your own, for that matter).

How long will we go on this way? How long before we kill and cancel each other off?? Is Survival of the Fittest the only rule we live by? If yes, then the survivor at the end would be left lonely… so lonely that he’d be alone to his own funeral. Why are we in such a mad rush to pin others down and put ourselves on top? Why cant we co-exist? Aren’t we social beings meant to live and let live? God made us this whole wide world, where everyone could find his square foot space under the sun. Still why are we gunning to take the other person down? Why have we built walls of mistrust and distance amongst ourselves?

Driven by competitiveness, we are just learning of each other’s faults, of each other’s negative side, of each other’s not-so-good persona… conveniently forgetting that much of this negative analysis is a out of our own paranoid imagination. Just like the Vikings - all they knew of the Dragons was “Extremely Dangerous” and all they wanted to do was “Kill at Sight” … such was their narrow vision, no one ever bothered to check the veracity of these claims. No one saw that the breathing-fire beasts had a warm side to them, for if Hiccup never tried, he would have never known.

This is what I learn, that following well established path of mistrust and competitiveness is easy, it looks macho and may be makes you feel brave… but in reality its paranoia that is ruling you. It is just a functional head on your shoulders which just gets on with the job like a machine. But if you really were to make a difference and reach out, it would take you a warm heart! It would take you personal strength – one that is not dependent on your weapons but in the conviction deep within. Employ this love and humanity, there is a better world to be made each moment.

For Love conquers everything and transcends all,
It moves all men, both great and small,
Give it a try, and try with your heart,
To see a changed world, change yourself for a start!!

"... I screwed up!!"

Across my shoulder, I wished for an arm,
Disturbed heart, wishing for calm,
A helping hand, to pick myself up,
For this was the moment I screwed-up!

I knew it was my wrong, my bad,
But it was the ensuing loneliness, which made me sad
For I only hoped to you’d understand
That this was the moment I needed your hand!

I slipped and I know, I realize
That it wasn’t my best moment of being wise
Yet it wasn’t that I purposely let things slip
But it was a fleeting moment, a momentary blip!

In moments such as these,
When condemnations comes with ease,
All I need is a helping hand, to pick me up,
And tell me, that it’s ok to screw-up!!

Lonely am I??

The moonlit sky and I wonder why,
The twinkling stars, are hung so high!
Lying on my back, I gaze the blackened sky,
Wondering and asking - Lonely am I?

The stars are gone, and the sun is high,
Flowers have blossomed, and the birds fly by!
I sit by my window and heave a deep sigh,
Wondering and asking - Lonely am I?

The sun on wane, and the dusk is nigh,
The blue passeth over, as crimson fills the sky,
I walk under the young moon,
Having seen another day pass by,
Still wondering & asking- Lonely am I??

Euro losing its sheen - and fast!!

The current crisis in Europe is fast becoming more of a free-fall than just a temporary blip. And the news of the Euro hitting a four year low versus the dollar only added to the gloom. The Euro ended the day’s trade at $1.2116 to a Euro, the worst since the April of 2006. With the crisis, dubbed the PIGS crisis (Portugal, Ireland, Spain and Greece) now taking shape of a full-fledged recession of the European economy, market sentiments across the globe are taking an untimely hit.

The world economy is still reeling from the after-effects of the Great Recession of 2008 could not have asked for a worst time for such a crisis that now looks to have at least temporarily halted the recovery.

Budget-cuts, strengthening tax-nets and austerity are the buzz words in the corridors of power across Europe even as Germany continues its hardliner stance against its suffering neighbors. Facing internal resistance against having to pay up for the excesses of the economies now in suffering the German is not too keen on becoming an ATM machine for Europe.

Drunk on a heady concoction of politics and economic factors, the sixteen member Euro zone entity seems to be on the cusp of something big – whether good or bad, can be told only with hindsight!

Happy Easter!!

"Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do!"

- Gospel of Luke 23:34

Often its the simplest of solutions that one finds the hardest to discover. Its those that are most obvious, but have a profound impact, which seem to be lost in on our mortal eyes. In times when the simplicity of love can heal, one often heads to the complexities of hate and division. As the world heads forth to yet another Easter weekend, and there have been atleast a couple of thousand of them already, I wonder if I and a great many like me, have acctually grasped the amazingly simple love that Christ exemplified on the Cross. Atop the mountain called Golgotha, He potrayed not just a sacrifice for those who were with Him, but an unqualified and unbelieveable love for those who had wronged Him. He gave himself not just for those who were devoted to Him but He went out looking for those who devovered Him.

In our present times, when relationships - both at an individual & societal level are strained; bonds that are streched and love that has gone stale; it is necessary we seek that simplicity of love that we saw on the cross. Our world has become complex with each of us grading people and their actions - good, bad, ugly, malicious, deplorable etc etc. Some people are seemingly deserving and the others being no qualified partakers of our love. Why have we conditionalized ourselves and our emtions so much? Ware there so many barriers to reach out to someone's heart and touch them with warmth??

'Love' is a word that can conjugate a different meaning for every different person. Its never been adequately defined, nor shall it ever !! For defining it is like the story of the blind who decide to describe what is an elephant like - each calling it what he has experienced it like; while each of them is correct in their own way, none of them are complete. Such is the case with Love - it can never fully fit into our finite minds. Our minds always seek to break things down to logic so that our small minds can take them in... but such is the infinity of love - that it shall never be fully comphrehended by anyone. There again, though no one fully comphrehends love, love in itself encompasses everyone - people, situations and emotions.

There is nothing love cannot solve nor anything that love cannot heal. But to do so, it must be allowed; it must be employed by us as a means to touch people's lives. Where fear divides and hatred hurts; love can build, restore and create an atmosphere for relationships to blossom. While hatred and uneasiness leave us as despicable & desolate men, love allows us the humanity & humility to co-habit in togetherness.

Christ spoke seven different things on the cross He was crucified, but just as He lived through His life, His heart first went out to those who were 'wrong'. He preached all his life about caring and loving those who have fallen out of favor with us, who no more figure in our 'special' list... those who you would rather do away with, those who hurt you and grieved you - malicious or otherwise! He saw a need in them to be restored.

Deep within, everyone has a desperate need of acceptance - irrespective of one actions & disposition. Similar must have been the case with those soldiers who meted out the most sereve and brutal punishments of the Roman times - to a man who was hardly deserving of it. I am sure in their individual lives they must have sought acceptance and love - found it a few times and not on other occassions... and yet to get it from the man whom they were crucifying must have been something they must have least expected. I surely trust that love must have stirred their hearts, if not in the commotion of that crucifixtion but in the solitude of its aftermath.

Being crucified was not a punishment just for the physical being of a person, it was to be a torture of unforeseen proportions. It was not just meant to kill but to put the person to the ultimate shame, to brutally hurt both the physical and mental person - all at the same time. While undergoing such monumental punishment Christ exemplified for us the Love which the world really needs. With every wrong that happens to us, we tend to fall backwards in the amount of love we give. With every situation thats against us, we retreat a few steps away from loving others. Bitterness fills our hearts as we walk our lives full of misery and discomfort, and yet it was never the lesson which Christ intended to leave with us. All He lived for was Love, all He died for was Love! So Love is ultimate message of Easter... spread it and live it!!

Votes over Values, Power over Principles!!

Everything is not black and white in life, and when it comes to politics the hues of grey are ever so many more. Everyone to his own and his will seems to have been the mantra of Indian polity forever now. So much so that its now commanplace when a politician or a political party choose to blantantly interpret a clear cut ‘black’ with its own version of ‘grey’, while everyone even a blind guy can call it ‘black’.

Take for instance the latest drama in the Samajwadi Party over their now-appointed-general-secretary – Sanjay Dutt, I mean what good on earth is he worth a place like that. The Luckhnow constituency has been represented by great statesman like – AB Vajpayee ; we have seen it contested by the likes of Karan Singh and Ram Jethmalani – both men light years ahead of the Dutt scion in political acumen and achievements in their respective fields.

Its political obsenity of the worst kind to have someone who has been convicted of grevious crimes like Sanjay Dutt to even contemplate a public office. He has not been convicted in a crime that was against his personal enemy/grudge/accident; the indictment from the Supreme Court in the 1992 Mumbai Blast case was a crime that was against a particular community – not just the Isamic one but every one in Mumbai specifically and Indians across the country generally. It was a crime against the nation and humanity, by involving himself in a crime of supplying the weapons which killed the citizens of this land, Sanjay Dutt had long debarred himself from any public office.

Just by acting in movies Dutt never transformed himself into a Mahatma nor did he ever fully cleanse himself of the sins of the Mumbai Blast. He might have changed himself but that alone doesn’t atone for what he did nor does he entitile him to a place in the temple of our democracy.

Saying this all, I am not just representing a anti-Sanjay Dutt group, if anything I am asking for more political prudence and restraint from our polity. Men who write the laws of the land must be chosen from those that follow the laws of the land in the first place. You can be breaking and making laws all the same.

If there must be an indictment of Sanjay Dutt for aspiring for a public office, there must be a greater indictment of the Samajwadi Party and its head honchos who seem to be running this circus. Its shameful to say the least, sure they are no saints in Indian politics but then there are no (sadly) bigger stars on the Indian movie scene than Sanjay Dutt, by taking up his cause to fight for public office, then are inadvertantly taking up the cause of every bloody rogue with a criminal past who wants to occupy the scared place in our democratic polity.

By glorifying the plight of a man who was caught for colliding with the enemies of this land the party has decided to call slip in a blatant white lie, when every one knows what that it is a dirty dark truth. Sure, there are dozens of Pappu Yadav’s and Md. Shahabuddins in our parliament, but none were was glorified and upholded like Munnabhai; if until today the Shabuddins and Pappu Yadav’s were the inevitable villans of the political theatre, but the Sanjay Dutt crusade has sure brought them into the big star cast.

Intelligent Oxymoron: Indian Political Activism

The ongoing feud in the Election Commission notwithstanding, the news of the general elections being held in the near future has brought about a cynical excitement to those who love and hate Indian politics – both at the same time. It would be fair to say that anyone from the News Media Industry would fall into this category ;of those – who love and hate Indian Politics - all in the same breath. There is an intelligentsia of our society which just loves to hate politics, these are the lot that cannot stand the so called stink of our polity; yet if there is one thing they cannot stop talking about - sure enough its politics. I wonder if its typical Indian shamelessness but I have to admit that I am a part of such a group.


Scathing criticism which I often reserve for the political class, somehow today seems to be directing itself to my own inner being. Not for being a critic but rather for being a critic who knows only to criticize. If there are a zillion politicians in our nation, there are a zillion others like me… who at best can criticize, and at worse can do little to change the situation for the best. Hell, there are none who would do something to change – for the worse or better is a thing of later.

Sitting in A/c office suites, wearing pristine silk suits, swishing the pen about the newsprint (haven't you heard pen is mightier than a sword…)... Screaming injustice and corruptness of the politicians into the camera, filling the blogsphere (just as I am) with ideals and contrasting how 'bad' the political class is - this is the elite intelligentsia of the great nation of India sadly though, have at best an abysmal record of bringing actual change in our social and political system.

Six decades of being an Independent Republic and one with a society that's as politically active as ours… its amazing to realize that we still grapple with the same issues of political injustice as we did in the nascent stages of our nation.

Why?

It's a question that baffles me… not because of the enormity of task which would be required to answer it but the emptiness that comes along with the question itself. The inevitable inexplicability of it is as startling as the question itself. Given the numbers of critics of our political class, it would not be inappropriate to think that even if half of these were to 'make' change rather than just 'preach' change... our graph of social & political progress would be much steeper than what it is.

I am not one to condemn political activism or an active political society... what I do hate is the hollow, only-talk-and-little-action activists that we have reduced ourselves to. What’s required is not a society full of politically-opionionated-self-aclaimed pundits... but we need more of those who are willing to throw themselves into the dirt of politics, get their hands dirty and yet keep their conscience clean. The problem today is that on one hand we have netas who don’t care being dirty - in everyway possible... and on the other hand we have a class of elite intelligentsia who only care about making noises and making them loud and big.

These loud noises can create a din... but do little to ruffle the khadii-clad-thicker-than-buffalo -skinned neta... We have enough political heads scrutinizing every political scandal... what we need are shoulders which can burden the change which is required; feet that are willing to walk the talk; and hands that are willing to carry out an idea in action rather than just on the paper/in camera/on the blogs/ etc etc...

If India has to produce its own Obama... we need to realize that they are not born over night by having great ideals... but they are made in the process of carrying out ideals in action.

Having said all this, I just don’t want to be a finger pointer.. rather I am guilty of the same offence which thus far I have argued against... I am convicted of my own conscience... and I suffer of my own guilt...

Beyond the sadness of this reality lies the hope of a 'Change' ... just as Obama said a few months ago – a ‘Change We Can Believe In’... ‘cos its one that’s a Change which is not thrust down my throat but one that should come from within.

Vindicated by the electorate! Defeated by the elected!!

March-Apr 2004: BJP & TDP Fight the AP State Elections on the Anti Telangana Front.
March-Apr 2004: Congress Allies with TRS (a pro Telangana party) for the same elections.
Circa 2009 Jan: Congress’ alliance with TRS is a distant (and admittedly bad) memory; BJP is promising Telangana in 100 days of coming to power.

March-Apr 2004: Congress flays BJP led NDA alliance for ‘wasteful’ expenditure on the India shining Campaign. India was only shining for a few claimed the Congress
Circa 2009 Jan: Congress led UPA has now launched ‘Bharat Nirman’ campaign worth 100 Crore! Sure enough the BJP now singing the same song which the Congress did in 2004!

Just two of the many flip flops which our politicians have become renowned for; it’s not the flip flops which trouble me rather its often the timing and the shameless attitude which does me in most of the times. Course correction and acceptance of mistakes is always welcome, most certainly when it comes from a politician. In a polity surely there is space for a difference of opinion and also acceptance of the 'otherview' - debates, discussions and even experimentation to converge at a common point.

Sadly, this ‘acceptance’ of the other view is taken to a whole new level; and given a whole new meaning by our politicians. The tone and tenor of politicians changes rather dramatically depending on whether they are in power and when they are out of it. And surprisingly, showing an immaculate sense of timing, those on the opposite site of the divide also do a volte face – on the same subject, at the same time, in the exact opposite direction, with a precision which many of figure skaters would be proud of.

How??? Well, it’s beyond me… honestly!!

Recently, Mr. Omar Abdulla got sworn in as the CM of J & K. As the leader of the party with the highest seats, surely he had every right to stake claim and occupy the CM’s chair. And yet, when he sought the Congress to prop him up with the numbers which he was short of – in a single stroke he defeated the democratic process, which was vindicated just a few days ago. By coming out in hordes and participating in the democratic process, the people of the beleaguered state gave a unequivocal rejection of the extremist path. The elections were a mandate on the PDP-Congress alliance of the past six years. As the party in power, as the state went for elections, Congress was the only one of the big players which actually had a ‘net loss’ of seats - a clear mandate against the Gulam Nabi Azad’s government.

Against the backdrop of this electoral mandate, seeing the Congress again become a part of the government is appalling to say the least. The people didn’t want them; it was a compulsion for Omar Abdulla to get them on board; and it was sheer shamelessness on Congress’ part to jump at the first sight of power. Abdulla’s were barracked by the Congress leadership for the six years they were in power, and the Abdulla’s did vice versa. And yet the volte face for a share of the power matrix, makes me wonder, if gaining power by such blatant refusal of electoral mandate is all that the politicians are capable of, then what power and sanctity is left of my franchise? What’s the meaning of the long queues, of the ink on my index finger, of the saying “Go and vote… it makes it feel big & strong”

Honestly, I’m sure each one who exercised his/her vote in the biggest democracy in the world has been left feeling worthless and hapless of his/her vote by its political class!! Victory of the electorate so easily robbed by those who get elected... Hard to believe, yet a hard fact!

Divided as Communities but United as Individuals!!

The recently concluded Assembly elections in – Delhi, Rajasthan, MP, Chhattisgarh & Mizoram threw up rather interesting news. For BJP the election was a bit of a dampener given the ‘3-2 numerical defeat’ that it had been subjected to. More so, given the fact that it was widely predicted that the resulted might have been somewhat 4-1 or even a 5-nil drubbing of the Congress, the mood at the BJP headquarters was understandably subdued.

The Congress on the other hand, was pleasantly surprised at the long rope which the electorate seemed to give the GOP of India. Somewhat, akin to Rahul Dravid keeping his place in the Indian Test Squad, the reaction was more of relief than real celebration.

The causes and reasons for the defeat & demise of BJP … and the ‘resurgence’ of Congress have been widely debated and deliberated upon. And rather bemusing is the fact that the post mortem of these electoral results have bought the arch-rivals to a common perch – Development!   

Not long ago, it was the rampaging blue elephant of Mayawati’s BSP (Bahujan Samajwadi Party) which was supposed to have trampled upon both the Congress & BJP with equal disdain. While the Blue Elephant of the BSP was somewhat restraint this time! The sleeping giant that the Indian Electorate is indeed vouched for the BSP, albeit of a different breed – Bijli, Sadak, Paani (translated – Electricity, Roads & Water). All put together what is now hailed as the ‘Development Plank’.

A refreshing change which swept across all the constituencies was that the Electorate realized that everyone was just as good (or bad) in their track record of handling ‘national security’ or ‘terrorism’. A rath wielding, baying-for-Afzal-Guru’s-head LK Advani or a riot-wrecker-in-chief Narendra Modi was seen as equally bad as a minority-appeasing-soft-on-terror Sonia Gandhi or the-spineless-erstwhile-home minister Shivraj Patil. This election was a mandate not on political parties of a certain ideology, but it was a mandate on those leaders who worked for the state which they governed.

Sheila Dixit, as a CM of Delhi has had an abysmal record on the security front; in the 10 years of her tenure the city-state has seen several high profile security lapses, from the attack on Parliament to the twin blasts on the eve of Diwali a few falls ago… and yet when Delhi voted her back to power for the third straight term, it was in the grim background of the 60 hr Mumbai siege. The electorate seemed to have understood that as a CM of Delhi, you’re running a govt. which hardly has any say on Security Issues given the concurrence of geographical entities which the state & central governments lay claim on. More than ½ your police force is forced into a bonded labor of sorts by being pushed into ‘VIP Security’ ‘Bandobast Duty’ ‘Security Cordons’ and the like.

Also, the electorate understood that in Delhi is a Crowd of self-acclaimed VIP’s, leaders who were branded as those without a political base (thanks to the now-obscured Uma Bharti), seen everywhere on the TVscape and not on the ground, those who spoke big but had achieved little (Madanlal Khurana?? anyone..)… and given such a background it’s a welcome contrast that the Delhi Electorate has once again elected someone who is none of those ‘hi-profile’ tags. Sheila Dixit on the contrary has often been seen as weak, almost invisible, cant-remember-when-she-was-on-TV-last-time figure. And yet it appears the Delhi Electorate has recognized the work she has done; and has rightly rewarded her!

Similar has been the fate of the two BJP won states – MP & Chhattisgarh; both CM’s have a relatively low profile when compared to the Modis & Rajes of the BJP. And yet, the electorate has been dancing to the Development tune which they have successfully played.

Contrast these ‘small’, ‘low profile’ leaders against the high & mighty Vasundhra Raje… who ruled like she was an Empress, trampled upon her own partymen with a Mayawati kind of disdain, alienated her own allies like only she can, romped & pomped her way in her state sponsored private jet, and what you got was a royal drubbing when she was brought to the people’s court.

This election must have been a lesson to each of those political pundits and spin doctors, who thought of the Indian Electorate as just another emotive and fractured bunch of folks. Those whose support could be ‘bought’ by putting up gruesome posters of a terror attack; by promising to hang/let go those who have been convicted of crimes against the nation. 

If issues of caste & religion have divided us, issues of price rise, roads, electricity, education etc are good enough to unite us (for or against a government). If the former issues are a threat to our collective identity and ideology; the latter are the foundations of our individual existence. Politicians paint terrorists as Muslims (now they are painting some even as Hindus) to create a divide amongst communities; but a Hindu or a Muslim living on the same street will be more willing to unite and fight for the lack of proper drinking water nearby. Afzal guru might be an issue to divide different communities, but price-rise was issue which had a more direct impact on the lives of individuals – whether Muslim, Hindu or a Christian dearer Onions made you ‘cry’ more than usual. 

The polity thus far failed to realize that we were a nation not of divided communities, but of united individuals! This realization, I believe is the biggest joy of this electoral season… hopefully, the same continues come Apr-May and the general elections!